You Can't Sit With Us!!!

"...... You speak to me in words and I look at you with feelings" I remember growing up and being taught that girls were evil for no reason. And we are, just evil little bitches. We take joy in someone's else's pain, love to dish it out ourselves. We still haven't learned to coexist with each other. 

But in this day in age when free love is so prominent and everyone is with exactly who they wanna be, why are we still being so damn mean to each other? I am new to this lifestyle, I hate that word. It's not a lifestyle it's who we are!!! Stop calling it a lifestyle!!! But I'd like a little guidance, a fairy gay mother if you will. 

The first time I find someone I could be with, learn this life with, grow a little more with. She turns out to b the biggest asshole ever and for no reason at all. Did I not handle myself correctly? Did I show too much interest, did I make the mistake of appearing to be interested? Did I get a lil jealous at times, answer me this, how is any of this wrong? Clearly you were such an amazing person that I just needed to learn and know u better. I made the mistake of liking her, of putting my heart and feelings on the line and getting myself played. The discouragement is enough to make you go back to what you previously knew. But ladies I won't let 1 asshole spoil me for the rest of you. Wish things were different tho. 

Until next time

Closets are for clothes

"You're just a straight girl who had a fling with a girl" When I tell u I've never in my life been slapped so hard with information than I was in that moment. If only she'd actually taken the time to really get to know the complex individual that is Chrissy. I am the girl who finally gave in to what she wanted, what made her happy. I am the girl who isn't scared of societies standards anymore. I am the girl who finally decided to stop giving into the status quo. I finally find a group of people where I feel comfortable with this. Not once since "my fling" have I felt judged or shut off by anyone.

I've never been particular fond of titles. Never!!! Prior to me fully accepting my attraction to the same sex, I never labeled myself as straight. It's always just been, I'm with men for the moment. And I've always been attracted to women. How can you not be, the softness of their skin, the love and security in their touch. Their resilience and strength. Women are loving, caring and giving by nature. Who wouldn't want that in a partner.

It's amazing the things that come back to you when you sit and think about it. I remember being the biggest tomboy in the neighborhood, but always chalked that up to me being the only girl in my family. I remember summers in NC. where me and a certain distant cousin (female) would do things we know we ain't have no business doing. I remember me and a best friend joking about being together because we couldn't find good men, or I should say I remember her joking. I was dead ass serious!!

The first time I really found myself attracted to a girl was probably 3 years ago. I seen girls before who have caught my eye, but not like "PrimeTime" She was beautiful, hard working, smart and an awesome mom to her 2 beautiful little girls. Only problem, or so I thought, she was straight. That was until I got that, I been waiting to taste you text. I didn't know what to do and in my apprehensiveness I let that one get away. 2 years go by and I decide to give it another go, I'm gonna pursue this attraction. Of course I go for the most damaged, unstable, uncontainable person I could find. And although she drove me insane, makes me wanna strangle her daily. I'd never take back that experience, she helped and gave me the confidence to pursue this. I remember having conversations where I said i'd never be in a relationship with a woman, but as I get more and more into this "lifestyle" the more I realize that's not the case, i do want more.


I think I gave up on men long before I got the nerve to pursue women. Men just stopped doing it for me. The thrill wasn't there, no excitement, nothing. There came a point where I was just keeping up appearances. And now on the brink of my 29th birthday, I don't wanna hide anymore. I figure with the way I live, I won't live forever. So I might as well live how I what, do what makes me happy. And if that's laying next to a beautiful woman every night, then thank God for the gift of sight!!!

I'm happy, I'm comfortable. I'm not complaining about anything. Some people are convinced that's it's a phase, something to do for the moment, that I'm not really ready to be committed to this "lifestyle". I say fuck you, this is my life, I'm doing with it why I want. and this truly makes me happy. I feel like a butterfly who's been trapped as a caterpillar far too long, I can finally breath. I lived a stifled life for the most part, and yes I thoroughly enjoyed it at the time, but I feel free now. It's so cliched, but to not have to hide that attraction, that desire anymore, makes me wanna scream with joy.

I am thankful to the women in my life who said fuck you years ago and decided to live and love how they wanted. I honestly don't believe I'd have half this courage if it wasn't for my mother. I've always known my mom was gay, when she finally figured it out, I don't know. But she lives her life proudly and happily. She is loved honestly and genuinely and I couldn't ask for anything more for her.

In all this, I still haven't come out and said I was gay. And I won't . When I was sleeping with men, I didn't brag about being straight. I follow the heart not the anatomy. And at the moment I take great pleasure in laying next to a woman

Boys & Basketball

So today #11 seed VCU went against #8 seed Butler with Butler taking the win 70-62. Damn shame cuz i was rootin for the hometown heroes. Bartending for that championship game was hopin for that hometown money. Oh well did awesome today.....I swear basketball, no COLLEGE basketball brings out all types....Single dads who got the kids for the weekend and aint lettin that stop the party, to lil old die hard alum, they have got to be the worst. Old, impatient, and entitled. My 3 least characteristics in a person, with old toppin the list!! But seriously i do enjoy big sporting events at work....its the only time my black ass can be as loud as i want with no one looking at me funny. I love being busy in my zone!!!! #Grindin is what i do and i love nothing more!!! Me in my BLACKnGOLD!! 

Now onto these men....lordy!!!! Phone rings 7am this morn and its him, Jay...dieing to reclaim his position in my life. He's so cute, we talked awhile ago for a lil while but he wasnt in a position to be the man i needed so we went our separate ways. Now he's comin up in the world, owns property, car in his name, and a lil money in his pocket and im thinking bout giving him a shot. But now I have no time...i am determined to make myself known this year and as much as i wanna finally let love in and give it a chance, i just cant afford to. Dilemmas!! And meanwhile Im still pining after my highschool sweetheart, Darnell. Who for the life of him will not let me go, we been going back and forth for 9 years and r stuck in limbo right now, he too doesnt wanna b what i need him to be. Notice Im saying need and not want, I need a decent, hardworking, sensitive man. I do not want just anything, my Nana told me a long time ago, You've got to be specific when asking God to send u someone, u cant just ask for a man, cuz thats what he'll send just a man, and i need so much more!! But thats not it, still tryna start something new with Chris!!! What ima do is fall back, take some time out for myself, get this money, stay on my grind and in due time, he i will find!!!

Nite Luvies

VCU gets defeated....Richmond looses its mind

http://www.wtvr.com/wtvr-mayhem-on-broad-street-following-vcu-final-four-loss-20110402,0,7722829.story

Law enforcement officers from several Richmond-area agencies were out in full force Saturday night, after hundreds of disappointed fans poured onto Broad Street following the NCAA Semi-Final loss for the VCU Men's Basketball team.

Crowds had watched the game against Butler University inside of the Stuart C. Siegel Center and after the game ended they made their way in front of the facility lighting fire to t-shirts and shooting off fireworks in the sky.

That's when police officers in SWAT team gear as well as mounted police officers moved in and released what appeared to be tear gas into the crowd - 

The Richmond Police Department would not confirm what kind of police tactics were used to contain the crowd only saying it would speak after the mayhem was under control. A spokesperson for the department also said there were no confirmed reports of injuries, if any, available.

As of 10:35 p.m. a heavy police presence remained on Broad Street and the downtown artery remained closed from Belvidere Street to just past the Siegel Center.



This is some stupid retarded mess. Tear gas, rubber bullets, fires!!! I mean really people, its just basketball and college at that. I could maybe understand if it was football!! Smdh...Richmond has let me down tonight. So glad i thought against goin on that damn campus tonight. WHOO

http://www.wtvr.com/wtvr-shaka-smart-is-going-to-be-a-father-20110329,0,6394912.story

 Outside the house, there are signs all over the yard that this is an extraordinary time in the life of the couple who lives here.

While inside, it's the calm before the Final Four storm.

Maya Smart, the wife of VCU Head Coach Shaka Smart, has a rare moment to put her feet up after flying from city to city on the Ram's historic NCAA run.

And she needs the down time. She told me they're expecting their first child this year.

Maya says she's very excited. She says she's had a chance to get some rest. It's been a mix of excitement and exhaustion.

She says when she met Smart who was an Assistant Coach in Akron, Ohio in 2004 she says she knew he would be successful, but never imagined it would happen this fast.

Maya says she didn't expect this level of success this year. She says it's nice in his 2nd year as head coach he has this opportunity to go this far.

And she's been with him every step of the way since their wedding day in May 2006.

While sports reporters are telling the world about Smart the Coach. I asked Maya about Smart - her husband.

She says he's very compassionate, a very family oriented person. She says he calls his mother every day, something a lot of people don't know about him.

While he builds his coaching career, Maya has a successful career of her own.

The Harvard graduate is an entrepreneur and writer who's been published in major magazines.

As the University begins talks to keep Coach Smart at VCU, they may want to talk to the person he calls "the boss."

Maya jokingly says yes. But then adds V-C-U has been good to them. She says people leave because they think they can't go all the way. She says this is a fantastic place to be and that they're focused on the next step with is winning the whole thing.

And on game days Maya has a good luck routine. She puts on black and gold jewelry, and covers herself in VCU pins. She picks a song on her husband's I-pod to get him pumped up for the opposing team.



Didnt know Coach Smart or Shake Flaka Flame as we like to call him, was married and she a darkie!!! Go head #teamdarkskin

TV.....and why I'd rather drink bleach

Waking up to the sound of a baseball cracking on the side of a bat. too early for my blood...11:31am and I need to be grinding in less than 3 hours!!! Ugh!!!! The life of a bitch tryna do it for herself!! Speaking of ladies doing it for themselves....kinda tired of turning on the TV watching grown ass woman or little girls, who wanna b so much older so much faster than they need to be, getting where they going by stepping on the backs of hard working men. Im all for the old addage "It aint tricking if u got it" But why would u wanna sell urself short and boo its always tricking and here in 2011 its becoming less and less attractive. Men are no longer as stupid as we wish they were.They see exactly what ur doing and theyre playin along....because if u gone let him disrespect u and fuck u when he wanna and all he gotta do is buy u a bag or get ya damn nails done, hell that aint nothing compared to the work he gone have to put in for someone like me. So he'll take the easy route right now, but you'll bore him, u always do. He'll soon realize Keisha and Toya r not where its at and if he wants a healthy successful relationship with another adult he might just have to work a lil harder.

Speaking of Keisha and Toya, who r they u ask. Well Keishas that bitch they casted for Bad Girls Club....all untradined about her shit, just in the streets with respecst for herself or hows shes going about doing things. She fighting, hollerin, smokn mad blunts(with no job of course, living off Tyrone). She got that bad ass lace front, nails done every week, meanwhile her children look like shit and run wild like hooligans. Now Toya is her cuzzin, she aint really no better but she been in the game a lil longer so shes knows a few things. She acts like she has a lil more class, but trusdt she's just as hood. You'll usually find Toya on Basketball Wives or Love & Hip Hop. She mananged to trick someone into believing she  had it, was the one they were lookin for. Nope she tryna trick u off too....

Speaking of Basketball Wives and shows like it....r u fucking serious!?? Love & Hip Hop has to be the worst. These women have no ties to these men, hell Chrissy been wit Jim 6 years, no kids, no rings, bitch name aint even on a bank account!! WTF r u doing ma??? Fab's girl whos names not even important enough to remember, gets no recognition, this nigga had as baby with the broad and still wont acknowledge her or her son, u get paid to be his stylist, they aint no damn child support!! 8 years and that bitch still holdin it. Get a clue mama!!! Olivia....I thought she was a dude, did that not come out like years ago!? So i asint waste my time on her. Somayas....good ole Somaya, as much as i dont fuxx wit her, at least the bitch working....doing things for herself. No nigga in her life, just that sick as body. "Use what u got, to get what u want"  I know thats right!!


I think my problem is i cant get with the reality tv thing....i would seriously rather drink bleach......and I HATE BLEACH!!! Im out in here in the "real world" tryna do shit meanwhile yall on tv scripted like a bitch teasing me like a bitch with a shit i cant have no time soon. Ima get it.....just in my own time. My fav shows deal with shit that hasppen right in ur backyard asnd ur ass aint payin attention. CSI, Law & Order, Criminal Minds......yall better get with it, the world we live in is crazy ans niggas out here tryna shank u. Watch cha back,.....on that note... IM OUT!!!!

....and this was just today

First day of this blogging nonsense.....bear with me please!!! As I roll my third blunt of the day im reliving my day all over again....wishing for tomorrow to come and go. Today was a good money day, 2 bills...I"ll take that. By the way I'm a bartender dreaming to be ur next XXL Eye Candy of the Month. But i definitely saw my fair share of characters today...not only was it April Fools Day...it was bring ur mistress to Bdubs day. Had to bear thru that all day. Dudes I see on the regular with their wives and girlfriends came into today booed up with women I've never seen. HMMmmm!!!Aint none of my business, just tip me right and I see no evil....


Today i also started some type of diet....not really sure what my plan is, i just wanna b skinnier....damn phone keeps reminding me to drink water...I'm no damn camel...fall back!!! Was doing so good...didnt eat any wings today which was harder than u think...I'M BLACK!!! But my second meal of the day after breakfast was that damn buffet.....dont know why i did that to myself....2 plates and 3 cups of strawberry ice cream, I already feel defeated!! Aint gonna let nothing get in my way this time. Its only 15 pounds....I can do it right??? did just buya shit of Keebler cookies, probably wasnt my best idea, huh? Raw veggies, fruits and water will be my diet for the next 2 months. The cookies will still b there. The opprotunity to be in every mans thoughts, not so much!!!

U should probably follow me on twitter....ima about to make it big!! @Hellokitty0973 i follow back.
( Y is Wesley Snipes always fucking some Becky in his movies??)


On a lighter note, I have to keep reminding people I am not that bitch who bites her tongue or cares enough about u and what u think not to tell u exactly whats on my mind. GOD gave us all this beautiful thing called free will and with that came along the right to say whatever I like!! If u dont like it......tough shit, dont look my way. Less people I have to talk to everyday.

Nite yall....until tomorrow